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I have been banned from uploading the video of Badger Games where Badger attacks Paul through the duvet, however it will remain on my phone and laptop forever more so if you ever see me don’t forget to ask, I did however get this video.
This video will prove that if Paul is ever found with his face ripped off and Badger feeding off him it will be all Pauls fault.
Paul has decided that Badger with his pelt instead of fur would make the perfect pair of slippers and has picked out his chest area, the super soft, smooth white patch to be the piece to be used around his toes and enjoys telling Badger the use of his chest.
Badger doesn’t approve…
Ever seen the picture of the Christmas tree knocked over and the caption from the cat is ‘I can explain, Basically it was the dog’ in our household it is rarely the dogs fault when things are broken (wee’d or poo’h upon is always the dog) but broken is a Badger thing, seconds ago he knocked over my glass of wine which reminded me of how bloody clumsy he is, there is no stalking, or gentle prowl-ness from the cat but full on Mr Bean patrol where everything is at risk of being broken.
I had an ornament on the toilet window sill which the little bugger knocked off and broke. I managed to glue it together and then saw him climbing up onto the windowsill again and grabbed the ornament before he knocked it again. Except being the complete twat I am, put it on the dressing table only for it to fall off and brake in several places.
Stupid bloody cat.
Cats do not like water.
Cats do not like their reflection.
Badger likes both.
Working in the winter in a workshop is blummin cold work, resulting in Paul arriving home most nights to climb straight into a hot bath to warm up and relax his muscle a little, I’d go up with a drink for us both and sit and chat about our day.
Badger decided this was the perfect time to see us both, without the dog and when we weren’t sleeping. By this point we were well use to Badger coming to visit when having a shower, he’d walk along the edge of the bath making the cold wet shower curtain hit you before jumping in at the far end, with the bath though he would safely sit next to me whilst I drank my wine. Until the day he stopped and decided to enter the bath.
It began innocently with him jumping on the side of the bath, he walked up and down a few times, leant down and had a drink, and that was when he noticed his reflection on the bath handles.
He looked up and down, side to side, chirruped at the other cat before leaning in closer for a better look. He wasn’t quite close enough though so stepped onto Pauls knees, he went back and fore one paw going closer onto Paul then back again. At which point Paul thought it would be funny to lower his knees. Badger got wet, immediately jumped away, yelled a little to tell us off and hasn’t been back to the bath since.
Paul commutes every day back and fore work with a round trip of 112 miles, one day however thanks to a supplier cock up he had to drive to Wales then back to work before driving home at the end of the day, This meant him leaving at some unholy hour in the morning, I don’t usually feed the cat, that’s Pauls job, The only animal I feed is the dog, who sits, does paw stares at her bowl until you give her permission to eat then dives in and eats the whole lot in seconds. The cat however is slightly different and Paul had failed to give me any warning.
In the morning he still had biscuit so I didn’t top it up, mistake number one, it would appear he has biscuit and a sachet of meat every morning and I couldn’t understand why the cat was yelling at me so much when to me he had biscuit I didn’t know he wanted more. I left for work after tripping over the cat several times as he circled my legs. Unfortunately this was also the day a chemical tanker decided to burst into flames on the M6 resulting in Paul sitting on the same bit of the M6 from 1030-1645 before the police turned every vehicle around one by one. As he was so late he asked me to feed Badger, from the moment I walked in the cat was stalking me, I got a pouch of food out and didn’t even get it in the bowl, he turned from a cute puss in boots domestic cat to a wild leopard. I dropped the food and ran. When Paul arrived at almost 8 he also hadn’t eaten all day and was as grumpy and vicious as his cat, the food was presented and again I backed away – since that day if Badger needs feeding and Paul isn’t around I get the kids to do it, I’d like my arm in one piece, the kids are young enough to adapt to life without an arm.
Badger and Paul have a few friendly games which always end in blood. Badger loves to dive for your feet under the covers, which is all well and cute unless you’re asleep, it’s the middle of the night and he wakes you up by attacking your feet – literally diving under the covers. Now at 4ft 11 he does get the other halves feet first, but being a man he insists on waking me up by shouting obscenities.
Mix that with nights when Badger wants a fuss and despite you being asleep thinks he is well within his rights to bite your nose to wake you up.
Dive bombing feet and biting noses in the night is unacceptable.
Another game is where you move your hand under the duvet and Badger chases, it was amusing to watch Badger chasing the duvet I decided to film it, and well the results were brilliant. On my Granddads’ 75th birthday the highlight of the meal was watching the film of Badger. It all started with innocent duvet chasing, the hand moving and Badger chasing, he turns to look at the camera, big brown eyes very much like the cat in Shrek, before turning and annihilating Pauls hand, the legs, the paws the teeth punctured the duvet resulting in him leaping two feet in the air squealing. Priceless.
Badger Games
This s my baby boy with his tummy on show – I cant be the only person wanting to tickle him?!
Life of Badger, he's just a Ginger Tom 